2011年4月7日 星期四

The Simpsons’ Nuclear Jokes Edited in Germany

German Television has put a moratorium on meltdowns in The Simpsons.


Reacting to the real-life nuclear disaster unfolding in Japan, Pro7, the channel that airs The Simpsons in Germany, will be screening current and future episodes of the show and remove or replace any that feature a disaster at Mr. Burns' nuclear power plant. Berlin's Tagesspiegel newspaper reports that networks in Austria and Switzerland have followed suit.


PHOTOS: Another controversial cartoon's most famous spoofs


Austria's ORF has already pulled two episodes set to broadcast:? Episode 66, Marge Gets a Job, which features scientists Marie Curie and Pierre Curie dying of radiation poisoning; and Episode 346, On a Clear Day I Can't See My Sister, in which characters joke about a nuclear meltdown. Tagesspeigel says ORF has held back eight Simpsons episodes until the end of April, when it will review its Springfield disaster policy.


So far, neither Pro7 nor Swiss network SF have pulled any Simpsons episodes but both channels say they are screening shows for "unsuitable" references to nuclear disaster.


But the danger of nuclear power is a core theme on the long-running cartoon. The Simpson's opening sequence features Homer tossing a radioactive fuel rod out of his car on the way home. The first Simpson shorts aired on The Tracey Ullman Show in 1987, just one year after the Chernobyl disaster.


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2011年4月6日 星期三

Wales' Steve Morison Jokes: I'm More Scared Of My Wife Going Into Labor Than England's John Terry

 Euro 2012 Qualifiers : Steve Morison - Ivan Ivanov , Wales vs Bulgaria (Getty Images) Wales striker Steve Morison has claimed he doesn't fear England defender John Terry ahead of their 'Battle of Britain' Euro 2012 qualifying tie this weekend - and is more concerned by the prospect of his wife giving birth during the match.

The pair will clash on Saturday when the nations meet at the Millennium stadium but Morison, who is about to become a dad, insists he is unfazed by the challenge of facing the Chelsea man and is more concerned about his pregnant wife.


"You always want to test yourself against the best and Terry is certainly one of those," Morison told The Sun.


"But am I scared of him? Definitely not. I play for Millwall, remember, and we're not scared of anyone!


"I can't wait to go toe-to-toe with him. Like the rest of the squad, I'm not scared of any England player. I'm more worried about my wife going into labor."


Wales need victory in order to keep their fading hopes of reaching Poland and Ukraine intact.


Follow Goal.com on  to get the latest soccer news directly. Check out Goal.com's  page; be part of the best soccer fan community in the world!

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Anthony Weiner Talks Israel, Finance Reform, "Weiner" Jokes On Reddit

Anthony Weiner Talks Israel, Finance Reform, "Weiner" Jokes On Reddit: Gothamist Sitename 32° our cities: AustinBostonChicagoLondonLos AngelesNew York CitySan FranciscoSeattleShanghaiTorontoWashington DC  Pledge Of Allegiance Back In School After Parents Complain  Cue Tiny Violins For Williamsburg Luxury Condo NIGHTMARE  Quentin Vs. Coen Art Show: This Is What Happens When You Dig On Swine featured Anthony Weiner Talks Israel, Finance Reform, "Weiner" Jokes On Reddit

 
Rep. Anthony Weiner In honor of the one-year anniversary of Obamacare passing yesterday, Rep. Anthony Weiner decreed it, "Ask Me Shit On Social Media Day." And more than anywhere else, he was inundated with questions on Reddit, in a thread which got more than 4000 comments by the end of the day. Some tough issues were addressed, some "weiner" jokes were made, and there were no awkward moments regarding his alleged mayoral aspirations. Here's a sampling of some of his responses to those hard-hitting questions on Israel, healthcare, his fear of The Count from Sesame Street, and bike lane jokes gone wrong:


On his "unconditional support" of Israel:

i dont think i let anyone slide - including my own beloved nation. but i proceed with a set of values that leads me to support Israel strongly: i support democracies. i support nations that have thriving debate and press freedoms. i support nations that respect women. and i support nations that support the rule of law.


Israel is not perfect. but they are surrounded by violent enemies.


the plight of the Palestinians is untenable. i pray for two states living side by side in peace. but that can happen only through negotiation.


He also discussed the differences between Democrats and Republicans:


my colleagues are mostly good and honorable people but the gop has a fundamentally different view of the world than I. i see the disparity of income and the pressures on the vanishing middle class and i line up to help those struggling. im a democrat.

they line up to defend the status quo and the winners in the deals. they are Republicans.


Weiner said he was against a long term extension of the Patriot Act, and "certainly against a permanent extension." He said that he thought President Obama is "doing a great job leading the nation and an average job leading our fight. i think when the president looks out his window he sees a cacophony of disparate voices shouting at each other and feels the need to quietly pursue the best deal for the american people." He went on to criticize the President for compromising too much, and for not coming to congress before taking action against Libya; he also said he regretted his own great compromise, voting for the Iraq War.


On the subject of "weiner" jokes, he said:


i heard my last original weiner gag in the 5th grade."vote for weiner, he'll be frank"(thank you. please tip your waitresses)

About his controversial bike lane quote, he said it was a joke-gone-wrong: "first it was a joke. but it make the story because we now have open and unnecessary warfare over bike lanes. its a false choice : bike lanes and true civic planning." Someone brought up Weiner's sardonic Click and Clack speech, and jokingly asked if he would fight to take away funding from Sesame Street, "a show about street hoodlums and cookie junkies." He responded: "I am so with you brother. do we really think that thing that lives in a trash can isnt a freak out to our children? and the vampire that counts stuff?! im scared just talking about it."


To the question of campaign finance reform, he said:


it is the foundation of so much of what ails the nation today. the supreme court has become an outgrowth of the pro business wing of the gop. we need a couple of things fast : transparency and improved rights of investors to stop public companies from crash landing on political campaigns.

im a middle class guy. if we dont have public financing soon, congress will have no more weiners. uh, let me rephrase that...


Weiner added that he'd keep reading through the thread, and return on Friday to "answer the top 5 upvoted questions via video." So if you have any burning questions for a future mayoral candidate who seems to understand how best to use social media, post your question here.

Contact the author of this article or email tips@gothamist.com with further questions, comments or tips. By Ben Yakas in News on March 24, 2011 12:48 PM anthony weiner bike lanes healthcare israel questions reddit social media weiner jokes Other Interesting Stories Comments [rss] Tyler Colby HillHere's my political analysis...

JSK's progress and popularity made her predecessor, Iris Weinshall, look worse than Iris was already perceived by her Park Slope neighbors. And JSK did all this in a little black dress.

But push really came to shove when JSK ran a bike lane right up Iris Weinshall's alley, so to speak.

Seething, Iris warned her husband, the powerful US Senator Chuck Schumer, that there will be no Iris Weinshall sugar until Chuck does something about that skinny b***ch.

Chuck, ever wary of becoming known as Senator Pothole the Second indirectly orchestrates a media and legal campaign in attempt to discredit JSK - all just to win back Iris' sweet sweet lovin'.

Try as they might the paid hacks at the New York Post and even the New York Times cannot really ignite public outrage at JSKs bike lanes.

So Chuck, desperate and truly in danger of becoming Client #10, turns to his trusted mini-me, the appropriately named Anthony Weiner.

Weiner is a congressman from a district on the known edges of human civilization. Weiner, desperate himself to emerge from the swamps surrounding runway 22, eagerly accepts Chuck Shumer's directive without a second thought and begins to trash JSK and her project. He does so in front of Mayor Bloomberg and the New York Times and says "f****g" which, of course, guarantees press coverage.

Anthony, now having destroyed his credibility with the 18 to 88 year old demographic is backpedaling every so slowly hoping no one notices he's rolling the wrong way down a heavy trafficked lane.

And the irony of all this is that Chuck is still not tasting any Iris Weinshall honey.spiritrossOh so now he is just "joking" about his comments on bike lanes.

He realized he gave the middle finger to most any person 18-40 years old and now if covering his political arse.

The most frustrating thing about government is no one who is ever sincere ever runs.

At least Howard Dead will be president in 2016.Homer2323He is full of white guiltmoe pintourRecently at a talk at the New School, he said Israels borders were all of historic Palestine. 'From the sea to Jordan.'

So how come the Arabs living there dont have the same rights as Israelis? I'll tell you why, cause they arent Jewish. And thats what Israel is all about, seeing that Jewish people have a priviliged position and majority over the indigenous people living there, and then making out that they're the victim when the natives revolt. Forget that. Thats what we call racist where I'm from.HypocraticOathWhat are you blathering about? Arabs who live in Israel retain the very same rights as Jews. Can that be said for Jews who would dare to live in Arab nations?

I guess where you are from is a pretty crazy place.moe pintourThe West Bank and East Jersusalem are between the Sea and Jordan that Weiner says are Israel. Two Million Palestenians live there, so do 500K settlers and the IDF. Those Palestenians have NO rights in Israel despite their lives being wholly controlled by Israel.

This is why Israel is an aparthied state, because they control the land but don't the people in it rights...because those people are not Jewish. Because if they had EQUAL rights, they Israelis would lose their priviliged position.

capesh?

nice jobgo ask an arab-israeli if he feels he has the same rights as his jewish neighbors. i'm sure he would tell you a different story. the discrimination is rampant. they are not equal.ch_renterIs that arab woman a beard? I thought Weiner was gay.LazyNannyYup, a total closet case.
Anyway I wish Weiner would STFU. I can barely stand that other windbag Schumer.Amber Chandlerno way he's married to a hottie, one of hillary clinton's aids http://bit.ly/extyx9LeoMoonHis line about Israel sounds like a cop-out, but other than that, so far so good. But all politicians are liars.freddynycI guess back in the day before cyberbullying, kids like him actually had to endure physical beatings...MordicaiI hope he doesn't get hurt in the squared circle of the House! Or wait, it isn't a "fight club." I guess he might not get the armchair warrior vote, though, huh?tijuanatornadoThat pic looks like one of Ned Flanders' kidsblog comments powered by Disqus ? PreviousHome send a tip Got something to share? Let us know! From tips@gothamist.com

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2011年4月5日 星期二

Worldly comic headlines Cabana

 

Josh Blue will headline this weekend at Comedy Cabana in Myrtle Beach, with two shows each tonight and Saturday.


Who | Josh Blue, with Eric Grady and Cooter Douglas


When | 8 and 10:15 p.m. today-Saturday


Where | Comedy Cabana, 9588 N. Kings Highway, Myrtle Beach


How much | $20 advance, $23 day of show


More info | 449-4242 or http://www.comedycabana.com/


Taking a call for an interview on a leisurely Sunday afternoon, Josh Blue can't help but weave in jokes in his answers, even on serious topics.


Born in Cameroon, between west and central Africa, and raised in the North Star State, he lives in Denver, and has family in Japan. He's used to encircling the globe, and nothing gets in his way.


Blue, who won the fourth season of NBC's "Last Comic Standing" in 2006, will headline this weekend at Comedy Cabana in Myrtle Beach, with two shows each tonight and Saturday.


Relaxing before the finale of his five performances from a weekend in Omaha, Neb., he reflected on what has motivated him as a person, and how, coping with cerebral palsy, a central nervous disorder, he radiates only a happy, positive outlook.


Question | How has humor provided medicine, not only for your audiences, but as an extra way to help you in being comfortable in showing people that cerebral palsy does not pose a barrier to goals one wants to reach?


Answer | I think laughter is the easy way to administer the medicine. ... When you're laughing, you don't know that you're learning anything.


Q. | What extra characteristics about cerebral palsy have you learned that you might not have come across if it had not become a component of comedy in your career?


A. | A lot of it can be very funny. I think I've learned not only to fully embrace it, but to understand how for people, being disabled can be to your advantage or disadvantage. ... It's interesting because there are so many disabled people out there.


Q. | What aspects about cerebral palsy do people still need to understand or clear misperceptions on?


A. | A lot of times, people will see, not just with cerebral palsy, but any physical disability - they just assume that if you're disabled, that you're emotionally disabled. You just can't assume that.


Q. | Has the world gotten easier for people with disabilities, or at least, are public awareness and care greater?


A. | Yes, look at me. Other disabled people are making it into the mainstream media, and making it more comfortable. Thirty to 40 years ago, they were lumped into the same category. I think we have come a long way from that, but there is a lot more to do.


Q. | What makes you laugh? What certain style or delivery among your colleagues in the profession catches your attention?


A. | My favorite thing is when someone can insult me in an intelligent fashion - when someone is mean to me, when someone can zing me pretty good.


Q. | Who have been your favorite comedians?


A. | Chris Rock. Mitch Hedberg was awesome. Dave Chappelle. Jon Stewart. Ellen DeGeneres. Greg Giraldo was really good.


Q. | What extra kudos do you draw for little, if any, need to use foul or inappropriate language? Is that approach becoming more rare?


A. | Our society is getting dumber and dumber; they need more help. I do enjoy an "F-bomb" here and there, but I can work clean. When you working cleanly, you're more accessible to everybody. When you're swearing, you knock a few people out of their comfort zone.


Q. | How much of your skits are the result of dedicated, sit-down, creative writing, vs. off-the-cuff realizations you never saw coming?


A. | About 95 percent is off the cuff. I rarely sit down and write.


Q. | It's that easy?


A. | For me, yeah. I realize I have a rare gift, because I've never written anything down. ... Fortunately, I remember what I said the night before ... .


Q. | What humor has been inspired by your play and involvement with the U.S. Paralympic soccer team and Paralympic Games?


A. | A lot of jokes come from just being with a bunch of other guys with disabilities. It's funny when we get together. ... At the airport, people just get out of our way.


Q. | What other sports consume your interest? Will you miss American football this fall, the way things are going in negotiations between NFL players and team owners?


A. | Yeah, it's pretty much the only other sport I like.


Q. | Having grown up in Minnesota, were you moved to create any Brett Favre jokes, after his last two years with the Vikings?


A. | He was a one-of-a-kind to watch. When you tackle him, you're tackling an antique.


Q. | On a serious note: Two days after the earthquake and tsunami that struck Japan on March 11, what communications have you had with your in-laws in their homeland?


A. | We finally got through to them, and everybody's OK. Thank goodness, you know? Those must have been scary moments. It just shows you the power of the ocean and everything.


Q. | When was the last time you were in the homeland of your wife, the former Yuko Kubota?


A. | I was there for my birthday [Nov. 27]. My sister-in-law got married on my birthday.


Q. | How has parenthood changed your perspective on life at age 32?


A. | Our boy turned 3 last week, and we have a 9-month-old girl. ... I have more to worry about, for sure. Definitely, a lot of jokes come from those kids.

Reach STEVE PALISIN at 444-1764.


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2011年4月4日 星期一

Jokes - Brentford FC - BeesMad

Another feature brought to you by footymad.net

3 daughters...A Mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period.Things that change after University1. 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to sleep 2. Having sex in a single bed is absurd. 3.You keep more food ...Doctors laugh too......1. A man comes into the ER and yells "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the ...Things Men need To Know1. Yes, Homer Simpson is funny - but not on your tie. BecksDave Beckham was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. Posh wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes, but was very ...Spurs jokesJust in case you missed this - Currently on sale in the Spurs shop The Squid jokeA guy goes into a seafood restaurant and asks to see the dishes of the day. The waiter wheels over a trolley and the man ...Do you hate the Hammers?Well someone does, because look at this link!Being Victoria Beckham - The Top Twenty MomentsHere we go - in strictly chronological order, the gems from ITV1's 'documentary'... Dearden in disguise?A little boy walks into his parents room to see his mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees her son and ...How sexy is your name?According to studies, the first letter of your first name reveals your sexual identity ... What do you think? A message for mothers dayA blonde went into a world wide message centre to send a message to her mother overseas. Black boxNaomi Campbell, Claudia Schiffer and Cindy Crawford were flying to a supermodel conference in Paris, when the captain of the ...Tales from the Sperm BankThink your dad's a wanker? 7,500 students apply to shoot their juice in the UK each year. We got hold of one college lad who ...That Son ....Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned." Garden of EdenFirst God made man in the Garden of Eden.Mind TestA bit of a mind teaser are you up to it?LimericksThere was a young lady from Leith, Who would circumcise men with her teeth,I will surviveMale & female versions!Drink and Getting Laid, A guide!IF WOMEN DRINK

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UFC Fighter Joe Benavidez Is the Champion Of Pedophile Jokes [Diddling]

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2011年4月3日 星期日

Balloonist jokes, but safety always priority

Do you think you'd want to risk life and limb with someone who has been known as Dipstick the Clown?

Do you think you'd want to risk life and limb with someone who has been known as Dipstick the Clown?

"I was Dipstick because I was a quart low," says Don Boyer, explaining his caricature when he was a semi-professional clown.

Boyer spewed a series on one-liners (some of which were even funny) as he prepared to take flight with a couple of passengers in his balloon, AirRageous.

"I was going to name it AirGasm — the most fun you ever had with your clothes on," he said.

But, his mother, a fellow investor, nixed the name, much to Boyer's regret.

Knowing Boyer's background, and with his constant patter, you are on the lookout for being the butt of one of his jokes — perhaps an exploding cigar, a water-spraying boutonniere or an electric handshake buzzer.

So how long have you been flying this balloon?

"You mean including today?" he asks.

Why any landlubber would ever want to enter the wild blue yonder with Dipstick is anybody's guess, but Boyer quickly dispels whatever fears a passenger may have.

"I'm the safety director for a trucking company out of Albuquerque," Boyer says as the balloon gains elevation on this sparkling, wind-free morning. "I hope that instills some confidence in you on the safety side.

"I have fun doing this, but we're safe. I take care of things."

After serving on a ballooning crew for about four years, Boyer and his family decided to buy a balloon in 1989.

After almost 1,200 hours of flight time, Boyer holds a commercial balloon pilot's license and is one of the contract pilots for Wells Fargo.

Guided in a southwest direction by almost imperceptible breezes, the balloon rises to about 1,000 feet.

Oddly, an acrophobic feels no fear of heights, being instead mesmerized by the 360-degree panorama.

The profound silence is occasionally broken by the blasts of hot air Boyer injects into the envelope, and the honking horns of the semis traveling on Interstate 25.

"Did I mention don't fall out?" Boyer asks as he begins the descent into a field not too far from the freeway.

He prepares his passengers for the bump-bump that will occur upon landing, but it turns out to be as light as a feather — no excitement to that.

"I get that all the time, it should be more exciting than that," Boyer says. "I've had people who've flown a bunch, and I land them like that and they look at me and go, 'I didn't know you could land a balloon like that' because their pilot every time goes smack, smack, smack."

Not a bad flight for Dipstick the Clown.

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