- People who live in glass houses should make love in the basement.
- Never read the fine print. There ain’t no way you’re going to like it.
- If you let a smile be your umbrella, then most likely your ass will get soaking wet.
- The only two things we do with greater frequency in middle age are urinate and attend funerals.
- The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
- To err is human, to forgive, highly unlikely
- Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos?
- Money can’t buy happiness but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than in a Hyundai.
- Drinking makes some husbands see double and feel single.
- Living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
- After a certain age, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead.
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