2011年7月2日 星期六

Laugh Lines

JAY LENO

As you know, Arnold Schwarzenegger has admitted that he fathered a child with his housekeeper. And, of course, now the kid is angry at his mother for lying to him, you know. She told him his father was an actor.

DAVID LETTERMAN

Ladies and gentlemen, hate to be the guy, and I’m sorry about this, but we have hit, the United States of America, has hit the debt ceiling. You know what that means? Neither do I.

Here’s fascinating news. Al Qaeda has a new leader, and experts are calling him a temporary leader, and so is Seal Team 6. His name is Saif al-Adel. He worked his way up from the mail bomb room.

CONAN O’BRIEN

In the last couple of days, both Mike Huckabee and Donald Trump announced they are not running for president. Huckabee’s announcement opens the door for Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum, and Donald Trump’s announcement opens the door for Randy Quaid and Gary Busey. Look for them to be running soon.

The presidential race is getting exciting though. Ron Paul announced he’s running for president. And get this: he supports the legalization of prostitution and heroin. Now, I know he doesn’t have much of a chance but if he does win, one hell of a victory party.


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