Kirby: Jokes about colonoscopy don't lessen its benefits

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Your message (click here): Please enter some message text. Published: 05:45 AM, Sat Mar 19, 2011Kirby: Jokes about colonoscopy don't lessen its benefits  Bill Kirby Jr.

Let's get ready to ... rumble!

Colonoscopy, here we come.

First things first, however.

We need to talk about this solution called Colsyte/Golytely/Nulytely/Trilyte, known by those of us who have undergone colonoscopies as self-induced diarrhea or something akin to a bowel volcano.

Primarily, it's the bowel cleanser on the eve of your scheduled colonoscopy, which is an internal examination of the colon and small bowel.

"During the preparation process," according to the Endoscopy Center of North Baltimore, "you are advised to have a bathroom nearby."

Having had three colonoscopies since age 50, with a fourth scheduled, allow me to reiterate.

Have a commode nearby, and about three hefty rolls of Cottonelle Aloe & E, too, because, so help me, you'll be needing 'em.

Some Glade air-freshener wouldn't be a bad idea either.

The colon cleansing solution comes in a variety of flavors, and you'll be downing about 10 full-size dinner glasses, or a half gallon of the salty solution, which is mixed in water.

I usually get through about four glasses, which is when Michael Buffer, the popular professional boxing and wrestling ring announcer, usually comes calling to announce the "main event."

"Let's get ready to ... rum ... ble!"

And, by God, you will roar.

All joking aside.

March is National Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month, and, take it from Dr. John Poulos, colon or rectal cancer is no laughing matter.

"Colorectal cancer is the second overall cancer killer in the U.S.," says Poulos, a 48-year-old gastroenterologist, "and third leading cause of cancer death in each sex. However, it's one of the most preventable and curable types of cancers when detected early ..."

Colorectal cancers arise from pre-existing non-malignant polyps, most any gastroenterologist will tell you.

They can creep up on you.

"Most early colorectal cancers produce no symptoms," Poulos says.

However, symptoms such as the new onset of abdominal pain or weight loss and blood in stool may indicate the presence of colorectal cancer, he says.

Colorectal cancer affects men slightly more than women, and risk factors, according to Poulos, include family history of colon polyps, a history of inflammatory bowel disease, obesity, smoking, alcohol excess, and diets high in red meats and refined sugars.

Just so you'll know, a colonoscopy is about a 30-minute procedure.

You'll feel no pain.

Sedation is optional.

You should begin having colonoscopies at age 50, Poulos says, and black men and women should begin at age 45.

"The most important colonoscopy is the first one," Poulos says, and based on first-time results, recurring examinations can be between three to 10 years.

Cost is about $425, depending on your health coverage.

Read more from Poulos on my blog, The Gospel Truth, at www.fayobserver. com

Healthwise, you might call it a pain in the butt, but the procedure is priceless and could save your life.

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